::::::::: Its My LifE :::::::::

Hi all!!

I am back after a long time, sorry for that, its just that I had an unwanted visitor who kept me really busy for a long time……….its name was Malaria, pretty annoying actually, really takes a toll on your health and leaves you quite weak physically, we have a famous saying in India, “aathiti devo bhava”, so you see I couldn’t actually force it to go, and my guess is that it kind of liked me, so decided to stay longer.
Anyways its gone now and somehow I don’t miss it at all.

Just a little account of what happened…….on 4th Feb. I suddenly felt really cold in the middle of the night, I was practically shivering, wore 3 sweaters, got under 2 quilts but to no avail, started feeling feverish, anyways somehow the night went by, got up in the morning and forgot about it, the same thing happened the next night and then when I got up on Monday I could not stand up, was feeling soo weak, I thought its some kind of viral fever, and kept munching Paracetamols but to no avail……….by Wednesday I felt like a piece of s***, couldn’t get up, the fever had shot up to 103-104f and got stagnant there, somehow by 1pm I amassed all strength I had in me and decided to visit the hospital…………thanks to my friends Santosh, Sanjeev and Neha, they got me a taxi and took me to CMRI where the doc diagnosed me with viral fever……….

Anyways decided to go home that day itself, 8th Feb, because I could feel myself breaking from within, my friend Santosh insisted that he would come along with me, but you see one of my friends (Rajesh) always says that I have a huge Ego problem, guess I do have it and more over my self-esteem would be tarnished and it would be confirmed that I am too weak to take care of myself had he come along with me till home…………

Must say I am blessed to have a very good group of friends they packed my stuff, completed the college formalities, got my tickets and got me on my train,
I met my other two good friends on the station itself, Rajesh and Joydeep, they had been out of station for some imp. Work………..anyways thanks everyone I owe you all one.

Somehow I managed to get home and on the same night I got admitted in the hospital, when I landed I had a fever over 104f, quite scary and then I lost consciousness and when I got up it was 9th at 6 in the evening, was diagnosed with Malaria………..
when I opened my eyes saw Mummy, Papa and Di and Puchku!! Holding a large bouquet of roses in her hands
What are they doing here?? Later Papa told me that Di had flown in early in the morning and that Bhaiya was flying in that night, anyways Papa convinced Bhaiya that I was fine so he cancelled his tickets at the last moment.

Then it was a long stay in the hospital, 8 days to be precise, with 8 injections for malaria after every 8hrs., another 6 for diarrhea, IV in both my hands and numerous injections through the IV, blood samples were taken everyday............it was quite testing ,
But the worst part was the amount of emotional and physical stress I put my family through, really felt very guilty for it, Mumma did not leave my side for a second, Papa was juggling his office and hospital visits to the best of his efforts, Di was taking care of home………guess the family gets really concerned when something happens to the youngest and most pampered child in the family.

And all the time at home I got some really good messages from my friends giving me incentives of a treat of full tandoori chicken when I get well and am back on campus.
After one week of rest at home now I am back at the college, Mummy wasn’t yet convinced that I was fit enough to come back but I have promised to have all my meals, have juice daily and to take care of myself at all times, Papa wanted to come to drop me but I do understand that its quite strenuous to travel so much in one day, so promised Papa that I would reach safely and be careful.

On the whole was a very strenuous experience which has left me feeling pretty weak physically, but then I am a certified fighter and hope I can pull this one through also…………but then sometimes some guests are pretty demanding, they just cant help it :))

I have always wondered, whether a movie has the power to change you…………

Today I had gone with my friends to see another of aamir khans genius, “Raang they Basanti”…….the theme was pretty good and so was the acting, worth the money.

But it was the discussion and soul-searching we had later which was the best……..there is something inside me which was again ignited today after seeing the movie, and I am not writing this because I am too senti. after the movie nor is it a movie hang-over……….its something which I have always discussed with my close friends earlier, a fire which was always there, but had gone a little cold because of all the tensions and competition I was handling……… possibly its an excuse to hide from the truth, my passion, something which I want to pursue, but when and how its rather difficult to say right now…….

I have always wanted to do something which can bring a change, something which can make this country better, I especially liked a particular dialogue in the movie, it said that “no country is perfect, rather we have to make it better by our contribution to the society”………

But then we get so lost in our own selfish lives we forget about things………I have always wished I were born in a pre-independent India so that this life of mine could be put to use in a much better way, the life I have right now is so useless……..my mba will finish off soon, will join office in march, then I will marry a guy decided by my parents, by the time I get to know him I will have my kids, and by the time I get to know them I will die and will be forgotten like the so, so, so, many people in this world………

I have stood in the busy streets of kolkata and wondered, who am i? what is my place in this world? How am I different from others? what have I done by which people will remember me……what will I leave in this world by which at least some people can better their lives……..

why are we forced to live such selfish lives……….why does the society teach us to turn a blind eye to everything which is wrong, why are we forced to adjust all the time, why are the bad people never punished, why do the poor keep dying and the rich keep getting richer, why is the society dominated by all the bad people, why are the good people killed in broad daylight in front of everyone, why is everyone so selfish, why cant people be happy on others success, why do we live in a world where a person is judged by the brands he/she wears, how cool he/she is, which disco thec’s he/she visits why? why? why????

There are so, so, so, many question and no answers…….

Now again, does a movie has the power to change the society, have I woken up again, will the people finally wake-up, will we be a better world………or will this movie again be passed off as a good movie with good acting and probably which will be sent to the Oscars and then forgotten about………will we learn from it, WILL WE??

before I came to this college I would not really call myself a moody person nor did things affect me as much as they sometimes do now…..

Explanation, well there are none as far as I see it……I have my very violent mood swings, things affect me in a harsh way, moreover my resistance towards annoying, self-centered, selfish people and those who think they are the real brains, is decreasing at an alarmingly fast rate.

I know its not good, will be entering the so called corporate world in a few days time and things will be really harsh out there, but then whats gonna happen, gonna happen.

But I do thank god that he has given me some really good and dependable friends here, they help me to get in a better mood, share jokes, have tea at the café together, give me good advise…….but they also sometimes end up hurting you in ways they probably do not realize, but it sure does hurt.

I sometimes wonder what it must be like to just speak your mind, no matter whoever it is…………..of course there are some things which you can never share with others, which hurt you so much deep down that it makes your heart bleed but you cant allow others to peep into your heart or else there will be repercussions which no one will be able to handle later.

Anyways got to do something to make myself like others, you know….rude, selfish, self-centered, just thinking about myself, not giving a damn for others feelings, faking a smile on my face all the time…………but then I would certainly not be myself nor like it………so guess will have to live with the way god made me……..